Christmas with Mother

Only my mother would think it a good idea to move from Florida to Wisconsin in October. But she did, and is now happily esconced in a little house in Durand. With my oldest sister in Stockholm and my other sister in Pepin, my visit meant all four of us could spend our first Christmas together in more than twenty years. This was an exciting prospect, but it made me anxious as well.


My visit with my mother earlier this year - as part of my trip to GALA V - had been tense at first. I was able to relax only after the emotional intensity of the festival itself gave me a way to have deep and genuine feelings in a safe environment. But there would be no such catharsis to fall back on in Wisconsin.

The dread I feel when I visit my mother is due, at least in part, to knowing that she has no real conception of who I am. I said to Jeff, my therapist several years ago, that talking to my mother was like looking into a mirror and seeing a different face each time. I suspect my mother has no real conception of anyone, not even herself. I don't think she recognizes the difference between her wishes and those of other people. Or, rather, she thinks her wishes are so obvious and natural that anyone's failure to adopt them is a sign of obtuseness, ignorance, or selfishness. Layered on top of that is her unselfconscious sexual banter, which I find embarrassing and vulgar. I wondered how soon into my visit it would begin, and how I would react.

I adpoted a defensive posture before I even arrived. I arranged to stay at a bed a breakfast run by two gay men in Maiden Rock. Maiden Rock is a few miles up the road from Stockholm, where my oldest sister has her cafe, and a good 30 miles from Durand. I made these arrangements before calling my mother and telling her when I was arriving. She was shocked that I would not be staying at her house. "Do you mean I bought that sofabed for nothing?" she said. I told her that I had made several trips to Wisconsin and found that I preferred to stay at a bed and breakfast. "But I wanted to fix you breakfast," she complained. I told her she still could, and that I would drive up to Durand to eat it. She would not let it drop. "I am very disappointed," she said, as if we had been planning all along for me to stay at her house and I had suddenly changed my mind at the last minute. In fact, this was only the second time we had talked about my trip, and the first time I knew exactly when I would be there. We had never talked about my staying with her. She just assumed I would. After all, that was the natural assumption to make.

Later conversations with my sisters confirmed that Mother lost no time in sharing her disappointment in my choice of lodging with everyone. However, both my sisters understood my decision, and it was Remy who had suggested the bed and breakfast where I chose to stay.

My flight was uneventful, and my drive down to Maiden Rock was pleasant. I got lost only twice trying to find the bed and breakfast, and once I was checked in, I called my oldest sister Kris and invited myself to her place for dinner. I tried to call Mother, but the lines were busy.

After dinner and happy chatter with Kris, I called Mother again. She was giddy with delight when she heard me. We talked about our plans to spend Saturday together, going to a matinee production at a local theater. Then Mother described the Christmas plans. Kris and her husband and kids would spend Christmas Eve with her father-in-law, Lee, as they had for years. I heard overtones in my mother's voice as she said this, as though she had only recently and reluctantly agreed to this plan.

I could understand her disappointment. Back when we were all living with her parents, my mother, sisters, and I looked forward not so much to Christmas Day, which was a solemn religious holiday (in which my mother did not participate anyway), but to Christmas Eve. That was when the extended family of great-uncles and great-aunts would gather at our house for a "fast" that was really a feast of fish, shrimp, other seafood, and amazing desserts. We'd sing carols in English and Polish while the adults caught up on family gossip and the kids waited for that climactic moment we all knew was coming. When it came, we'd be called out of the livingroom on some pretense, there'd be a loud "Ho, ho, ho!" and a cry of "There he goes!" and the sound of a slamming door, and then we'd all rush back in to find the Christmas tree, barren before, now laden with "paper gifts" (usually money) hanging from its boughs and overflowing with presents piled around its base.

When Mother moved us out of her parent's house to live in Whitewater, she and her second husband, Bill, moved the celebration to Christmas Day - a change that was made without consulting my sisters and me. Instead of the large, extended family, there were only the four of us and Bill, a man we hardly knew. These changes left us dispirited and disappointed, and Christmas never seemed real after that. So when I imagined our first Christmas together in decades, I imagined recapturing those magical nights when we'd all unwrap presents by the light of a tree and the beaming smiles of our family.

But other plans had already been made, and the odd little moment of disappointment passed. Then came one of those truly awkward proposals Mother so often puts out. "You and Remy can come here Christmas Eve. If you want, you can go to Mass with me."

"Christmas Eve will be nice," I said. "I don't know about Mass." My mother knows - or at least has been told - that I do not consider myself a Christian. Neither does Remy. Nevertheless, somehow Mother's vision of Christmas Eve had all of us in Church. This is particularly odd because when Remy and I were children, we went to Mass regularly, but our mother, who did not consider herself part of the Church then, rarely went with us. It was one of the many discontinuities between our lives and the life of our mother.

So the invitation to Mass was simply another disconnection, but with roles reversed. It was a Minor Mother Moment, as I tend to think of them. The Major Mother Moment came next.

"And the two of you can stay overnight if you'd like. Do you think it's against the law to put a gay man and a lesbian in the same bed together?"

I was appalled, perhaps because I knew she was only partly joking. My mother probably did think that my sister and I would so want to spend the night at her house that we would actually sleep in the same bed. I recovered as quickly as I could and said, in a mock-horrified voice that partly expressed my true feelings, "It's not just against the law, it's unnatural!"

The telephone conversation dwindled after that to pleasantries and expressions of how good it would be to see each other again. We said good-bye, and I continued my visit with Kris and her kids.

It is a function of my auto-defense mechanism that I didn't recognize my mother's comment about sleeping with my sister for what it was until later. Driving back to the bed and breakfast from Kris's a few hours later, I realized it was the first volley in the barrage of sexual innuendoes I'd face and had known I would face the moment I decided to make this trip. I'd been dreading it for weeks. Now that it had started, I marvelled at how quickly and almost uncounsciously I had dealt with it. "Well," I said to myself, "at least that's over with."

There would be more, though. After all, she is my mother.



I had promised to spend Saturday with Mother. She had bought tickets to a play in Menomenee, and afterward we would go to dinner. I arrived at her house around noon. I had scouted the quickest route to her place the day before, driving from Maiden Rock to Durand to Pepin and back to Maiden Rock to see if I could navigate the county roads in my rental. I didn't stop by her house, though, so this was the first time I saw her new home. It is a charming box-like structure, not unlike the one we had lived in with her parents in Milwaukee. I rang the doorbell and she answered. "At last!" she cried. Rusty, her dog, was almost as glad to seem me as she was. He was jumping all over me in paroxysms of delight.

"Here you are in my new home!" she said as I shed my coat. "Put your things in the hall closet, there. Would you like a tour?"

"Yes," I said, fending off Rusty as best as I could. He didn't seem to get the idea.

She explained the improvements she'd made to the kitchen, which were considerable, and told me about her plans to make one of the upstairs bedrooms into a studio. I was very impressed with the features of the house, which included hardwood floors, a sunny breakfast nook, a small built-in china cabinet in the dining area, and a fireplace in the livingroom. There was also a full basement with a washer and dryer. It seemed the perfect place for her, and it made me glad to see how happy she was. The last stop on the tour was the down stairs bedroom. On the door was a sign that said "Bed and Breakfast." She twiddled with the sign then looked at me with raised eyebrows. I said I thought the room was charming.

"But you're still not staying, are you?" she asked.

"No," I said.

"So I guess I bought that sofabed for nothing after all."

"If you like the sofa," I said, "then it wasn't for nothing."

She folded and patted a large maroon blanket on a chair. "I bought this so you would be warm."

"Thank you," I said. "It looks very comfortable."

"But you're not staying?"

"No."

She sighed. "Well, I have to let Rusty out before we go." She turned to the dog. "Do you want to go out?" This seemed to excite him almost as much as my arrival had. The two of them went to the back door while I went to the front room and sat down on the sofa there, which was also new. My sister Remy thinks Mother is spending too much money furnishing her place with new things when she could have used furniture from the old place in Tampa. When Remy asked me about this, I shrugged. "It's her money," I said.

"I have to watch Rusty when he's out in the yard," my mother called from the kitchen. "Otherwise he eats poop."

I got up and walked to the front windows and looked at the evergreens Mother had planted along the side of the lot. In the front yard were the remains of older evergreens that had been growing in front of the house. They'd been cut down recently. There was still sawdust on the snow.

Rusty came in from the yard. "Did you eat poop?" Mother asked him. "Let me smell your breath. Oh, good dog! You get a cookie!"

A few moments later they both came into the livingroom and we all sat on the sofa. "He's such a good dog," she said to me, and Rusty jumped into her lap. She turned him over on his back and pointed to his groin. "It was a shame I had to get him fixed. He had the cutest little thingies. Now there's just this little flap. See?"

I didn't look. I had heard about Rusty's adorable testicles the first time I met him. That was in Tampa three years ago. Mother had rolled Rusty over on his back on the floor and dandied his balls. "Aren't they cute?" she had said. "I could never get him fixed. It would look so sad." I knew then their days were numbered.

"Why did you have him neutered?" I asked, still averting my eyes.

"Because of Little One," she said. Little One was Remy's spaniel. "Rusty would have her for lunch," she said with conviction. Then she let the dog down. "He did anyway," she muttered under her breath. I was puzzled. I knew Remy wanted to board Little One at Mother's while she and I visited other relatives in Madison and Milwaukee, but the last I had heard, Mother had backed down from that plan without explanation. "Renigged," was how Remy put it. So how could there have been any opportunity for Rusty to "have Little One for lunch"? And what did that mean, anyway - that Rusty would attack the smaller dog, or simply try to mate with it?< BR>
It was time to leave for the play. As we got on our coats and struggled into the rest of the gear you need even for simple tasks in this weather, I asked her about the new evergreens.

"Oh, yes," she said. "There's quite a story to behind them. I put those in almost as soon as I arrived, and do you know what that woman next door had the nerve to do? She told me I'd have to take them out! She said they'd grow up and block her view when she was backing out of her driveway. So she told me they'd have to go."

"But she can't do that, can she?" I said. "I mean, I don't know the ordinances here, but they're on your property, aren't they?"

"Of course! But she said they'd grow up and twenty years from now they'd block her view. 'I'm sixty-nine years old,' I told her. 'I'll be dead in twenty years.' And you know what she told me? She said, 'Well, I'm only fifty-five!'"

"So what did you do?"

"Well I wasn't going to take them out after I'd just spent the money to put them in. So I told her I'd move them back five feet if she'd pay for it. So she did. I fixed her, though. I only moved them two-and-a-half feet. Nobody messes with me."

I nodded. "Why did you cut down the trees in front?" I asked.

"There were damaging the roof," she said. "You would have liked them, though. They were very phallic."



Mother drove us to Menomonee in her car. This was only slightly unnerving. She had a tendency to tailgate the cars in front of us and to wander a bit in the lane as she chattered on about the countryside. I had to agree with her, though, that there is something magical in the Wisconsin winter landscape. "It's as if every detail, every twig is saying, 'Welcome home,'" she said.

The play was dreadful, but its venue was a treat. The Mable Tainter Theatre in Menomenee is Romanesque on the outside and high Victorian on the inside. It is a shame the production didn't match the style and class of the house. To stay awake, I spent most of the third act gazing fondly at the back of a handsome man in the row in front of us and engaging in sexual fantasies about him, despite the fact that his wife and two young sons were right beside him. None of them seemed disappointed in the show. Except for the youngest boy, who could not have been much more than five, they paid rapt attention to the painfully slow and obvious plot and seemed to take the repeated bludgeonings with its moral message to heart. It is probably best that they were fully engaged by this artless palather or they might have noticed my wistful drooling.

As we drove to dinner at the Creamery in Downsville, Mother and I dissed the cast, the play, the set design, and the over-all lack of direction. "It certainly was disappointing," Mother said. "Oh well," I said, "you pays your money and you takes your chances."

We arrived at the Creamery around five PM and decided to have cocktails and an appetizer before dinner. As the host was showing us to the lounge, Mother said. "You don't know us, do you?"

The man looked puzzled.

"I'm Remy's mother and this is her brother," she said.

The gentleman tried to look curteous and interested but was obviously baffled.

"My sister runs Great River Roasters," I said, trying give him a graceful way out. "I believe you serve their coffee."

"Oh, yes," he said, brightening. "This way, please."

Appetizers and dinner passed pleasantly, though I was surprised when Mother ordered a second martini. She has, at times, described herself as an alcoholic. I knew she was drinking on an empty stomach and I grew concerned, but then she said, "You're driving us back, of course."

"Of course," I said.

There was one thread of conversation during dinner that stands out in my mind. "Do I still have a sparkle in my eyes?" Mother asked me.

"What?" I said, smiling.

"You said I would never grow old as long as I have that sparkle in my eyes."

"It's still there."

She beamed.

"There's I a guy I'm dating who says he thinks I have 'serene eyes,'" I said. "I told him it was just low blood pressure."

We laughed.

"Of course, you know the story of your father's low blood pressure," she said.

"No," I said, intrigued. "Tell me."

"Well, it was our wedding night. And your father was very eager. As soon as we got back to the hotel room, he wanted it right there. I still had my wedding dress on! But he was so insistent. He was kissing me and he was all excited. But then he just passed out."

I raised my eyebrows.

"Well," she continued, "I didn't know what to do. Eventually, I called the house doctor. That was back when hotels had house doctors. And he said it was just low blood pressure."

"Wow," I said. "Well, it must run in the family, because mine is always low. Sometimes I get dizzy just standing up."

"Well, it had never happened before. You can imagine how concerned I was. But there was also a part of me that said, with him lying there on the floor, 'Hmm. I did that.'" Her eyes and voice held a glint of accomplishment.

I took her home, picked up my rental, then drove back to the bed and breakfast where I was staying. I had lots to think about and wonder about. How many times in this one day visit had I been reminded of my mother's need to control men? What drives her to treat them so?

Later that evening as I was falling asleep, I engaged in additional fantasies about the handsome daddy who sat in front of us in the theatre. Suddenly, I wondered if my attraction to well-built, strong-looking men was motivated by the same desire to conquor and control - even castrate - that seemed to drive my mother. The thought dismayed and angered me. Then, just as suddenly, it was answered - by the man in the fantasy. I do not have an eidetic imagination and am not used to my fantasy figures having anything to say. But this one did.

"I am your love," he said. "Love your love."

"But why am I always attracted to the big, strong types?" I asked, still angry at myself.

"Because your love is strong," he said. "Love your love."

I did. He and I had the most passionate solo sex I've had in a long time. For the first time, I think I owned who this image was, and knew it was not born of weakness, fear, or self-destruction. Nor was it rooted in my mother's neuroses. It was a positive, life-giving force. And it was strong.



Christmas Eve did not work out the way any of us had planned. A true upper-Mississippi winter blizzard blew in the day before and the temperatures plummetted. Christmas Eve morning, Mother called to say she was cancelling the dinner plans for that night and did not expect me to come over. Her practicality and flexibility surprised and pleased me, and I spent a very relaxing day holed up at the bed and breakfast. I was their only guest that evening, and they invited me to join them for their traditional Christmas Eve dinner: spagghetti and meatballs. It was delicious.

Christmas Day dawned bright and exceptionally cold. The plans for a family get-together at Mother's for unwrapping presents and a mid-day meal were still intact, so I prepared to leave. I would pick up my sister Kris on the way. Her husband Mike and the kids would follow along with her father-in-law, Lee, a little later. My sister Remy had driven the 20 miles from Pepin to Durand the night before and spent Christmas Eve with Mother after all (though she had not gone to Church).

I was a little concerned my rental car would not start. The temparature had been hovering near zero since I had arrived in Wisconsin, and now it had plunged even lower to -15. However, after patient and repeated efforts, I got the engine to turn over. I felt a little tinge of pride. It had been many years since I had coaxed an engine to life in subzero weather. I felt a surge of self-sufficiency that I hadn't lost the knack.

I picked up Kris outside the Stockholm Cafe. We collected the pickled beets and candies she had made and the stolen I had baked in her oven a few days earlier. After several false starts ("Who's going with Uncle Lou?" "Where's Lee?" "Isn't Mike out of the bathroom yet?"), Kris and I headed off for Durand. On the way, I noticed several cars had their lights on. This looked like a good idea. Even at noon the sunlight had that thin, tenuous quality it often has after a blizzard.

We arrived in good time. Mother was happy to see us and appalled that I had brought my laundry. "Now?" she asked, incredulous.

"I'm supposed to leave for Madison tomorrow and I'm all out of clean clothes," I said. "I won't take a minute." I was downstairs, had the load going, and back up before the rest of the party arrived.

My sister Remy took me aside. "It's a good thing I came up yesterday after all," she said. "Nothing was ready. I've spent the morning cleaning." I was surprised to see she had brought Little One with her. Both dogs greeted each arrival with fresh enthusiasm. Mother's cat, Priscilla, spent most of the day in a desultry mood under the Christmas tree.

Joe and Rosie, Kris's kids, arrived with Mike, their father, and Lee, their grandfather. Genuinely cheerful holiday pandemonium ensued. The women all went to the kitchen and started bringing out plates of food - sweets, home made chocolate covered pretzels, pickles, olives, herring, a spicey salsa, chips, and cookies. We began a feeding that never stopped the entire time we were there. On one of the trips out of the kitchen, my mother looked at me and said, "Don't forget your clothes."

"I've already moved them to the dryer," I said.

It was like old times: the aunties in the kitchen, the men in the living room. Joe stretched out on the living room floor in a position exactly like the one I can be seen in in several old family photos. The resemblences between the two of us are uncanny. Earlier that week I had told him, "You're getting taller and handsomer by the day. I don't like it. You're beginning to be competition." He seemed rather pleased by that.

After we were all stuffed with treats, we began opening the presents. As Rosie handed out the gifts, my sister Kris leaned over and whispered to me, "Don't forget your clothes."

I smiled wanly. "Thanks," I said.

We all seemed to get the greatest delight out of the gifts we got from each other, though I think Joe was a little non-plussed by the manicure set Mother gave him. She pointed out that it had a brass finish, which would make his distinctive. "All the other guys will have chrome," she said. All the other guys will think you're a fruit, I thought, but I didn't say anything. From the look on Joe's face, it didn't need to be said.

One of the gifts Mother gave me was a lovely maroon cardigan. "It'll be your new best friend," she said, giggling. I found that a little off-putting, as if it were a slogan she had heard and decided to believe. Besides, the notion that my "new best friend" would be a piece of cloth was a little depressing. But the sweater went wonderfully well with a flannel shirt I'd gotten from Kris and I was genuinely pleased with the gift, if somewhat irritated by the sentiment.

Mother continued, "I thought you were now of an age when, you know, you can wear a cardigan."

"I wore a cardigan in high school," I reminded her.

"Well, yes," she said. "But you're now of 'that age.'" I could see this was going nowhere, so I simply thanked her again. She beamed. "It'll be your new best friend," she said.

Rusty, her dog, seemed to be trying to make new "best friends" as well. Throughout the day, he would try to mount Remy's dog, Little One. He'd start humping away, despite the absence of any reservoir to hold the materials of his affection. Rusty is a larger dog than Little One, but only physically. Little One definitely has the more dominant temprament. After putting up with a few plays of Rusty's dry but passionate attentions, she suddenly wheeled on him and had his throat in her jaws in a flash. He went instantly still. Having made her point, Little One let go, sniffed Rusty's crotch, then trotted off to more interesting affairs, such as the crumbs accumulating under the diningroom table.

Have Little One for lunch, indeed.

When we all sat down for dinner, my mother seemed to be in heaven. "Dreams do come true," she said before we all started. She thanked everyone at the table for helping make hers come true. She especially thanked Lee for being there, a stand-in for her father, who had passed away last February. That thought came as a sudden shock to me: this was the first Christmas of my mother's life without her father, without either of her parents. I was suddenly more sympathetic and more than a little ashamed that I had not thought of it before.

My sister Remy leaned over to me. "Did you remember your clothes?" she said.

"What is it with you people and my laundry?" I said. "I've been doing my own laundry for over twenty-five years. They're fine. They're dry and they're folded and they're back in my travel bag. Enough with the laundry, already."

All the women smiled. Even Rosie.

After dinner we played a few games. I whallopped Joe at Risk, and my sister Kris's team beat mine at Taboo. Too soon, it was time for everyone to leave. Kris and Mike returned in their car, and Joe left with Lee in his. Rosie was staying over at Mother's with Remy. The "Bed and Breakfast" room was getting a workout after all. I stayed behind to help clean up a little and to thank Mother for a truly wonderful Christmas. "Dreams do come true," she said to me, radiant.

It had warmed up some during the day, but it was now past nine o'clock at night and quite cold again. I went out to start the car and warm it up before I left. I turned the key in the ignition. Silence. Not even a click. Nothing. This morning, although it had sat in subzero temperatures for a day and a half, the engine had still made some sounds of life when I tried to start it. Those sounds had encouraged me to keep trying and guided me as I had coaxed it back to life. Now, there was absolute silence. I tried again. Still nothing. Surely there must still be some charge left in the battery, I thought. I went to turn on the lights to see if there was even the tiniest bit of juice left.

I could not turn the lights on. I couldn't turn them on because they were already on. They had been on since Kris and I left Stockholm. The battery was utterly drained and had been dead for hours.

I started laughing. "The Buddha," I said aloud to myself, "teaches us that aversion is the other side of desire." I went back into the house and announced that I would, after all, be spending the night.

My mother put her hand to her breast and looked off with a pained expression. "I can feel your disappointment," she said.

I was suddenly and unaccountably angry at her. I didn't think I was projecting disappointment. More bemusement and amazement at my own Freudian machinations. But I had to admit to the anger, too. And it wasn't simply directed at her. So what if my mother transmutes my misfortunes into an opportunity for us to take care of her and the pain she feels at our disappointment? That is simply her nature. After all, she is my mother.

I settled onto the floor by the fireplace, using the cushions from the couch as a kind of bed. Remy and Rosie went off to the guest bedroom, and the dogs ran up and down the stairs after each other, greatly annoying Priscilla the cat ("as in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert," my mother said). Eventually, Mother herself climbed the stairs to her bedroom. "Dreams really do come true," she muttered on the way up.

I wrapped myself up in the blanket I'd been provided. Not the maroon one, of course, which was on the guest bed with Remy and Rosie. I watched the fire slowly dwindle in the fireplace. I could tell I was going to spend a cold and uncomfortable night on the floor, but it had been a wonderful Christmas. I smiled. "Welcome, dear Lucia," I said aloud to myself, and settled into an imperfect sleep.